An Open Letter to the Writers of Glee

Last summer I powered through four seasons of Glee. Why? Because I realized I knew nothing about anything.  I couldn't tell Brittney Spears from Beyoncé and I had no idea what went down in public high schools, not that I'm saying Glee is an accurate representation of the average high school nor did I ever take it as such, but I didn't realize that kissing someone you weren't dating was as big of deal as it is.  Yeah. I learned a lot about relationship drama.
I kept watching it because it was something to watch and I found it entertaining. I was never obsessed with it, nor do I consider myself a fangirl or a "gleek."  I really found myself hating/disagreeing with a lot of the things in the show, especially those regarding sex.
As a Catholic, I have been taught to wait until marriage.  I've seen both sides of the issue and it makes sense to wait for a number of reasons - break-ups are easier, no risk of S.T.D's or pregnancy, no chance that the guy is going to leave you when you finally give in...I'm proud to be a virgin.  Heck, I haven't even gone on a proper date yet or been kissed, so I'm like...a triple virgin?  Whatever.  Why do people make such a big deal about virginity?  Like it's some kind of disease or something to be ashamed of?  I was shocked when I saw Kitty teasing Marley about still being a virgin in "The Previously Unaired Christmas Special" (the number of things wrong with that episode...so many...)  You have no right to judge people based on how they chose to take care of their body or how much of a sex life they have or don't have.  Anyway.

I was nervous watching the latest episode.  I mean, it opened with an old fashioned commercial about being screened for STD's. Then Sam kept pressuring Mercedes to have sex.  On discovering Mercedes was still a virgin, I was pleasantly surprised.  But I was worried.  I was proud of myself to find that I recognized a warning sign in Sam's behavior.  He said that he could take it slow, and that she could call the shots.  He took her to dinner, went to church with her...all saying he expected nothing.  But it was clear that he did. Last year, had I been in Mercedes's shoes, I would have fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.  But this year?  After reading a book called How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul by Jason and Crystalina Evert, I was able to see that Sam exhibited the signs of the "Smooth Criminal" - someone who says that she's in control, but really uses his indifference as manipulation and wears away at the girl's resolve until she sleeps with him.  After that, he usually breaks up with her.  I was unimpressed with Rachel's advice, and applauded Mercedes when she finally told Sam she wanted to wait until marriage.  I was so proud of her.  Thank you, Glee! Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, you all can stop shipping Sam and Mercedes with anyone but each other, because the fact that he's willing to wait for her says something about him.  Artie used to be one of my favorite characters, but I have so much more respect for Sam now...let's see if it lasts.  It better. Honestly, Mercedes and Sam need to show the rest of the Glee club how it's done. And after years of stuffing the mainstream "have sex now" stuff down our throats, I'm glad that they have shown us the other side of how things could be.

Life as of Late

So yeah... 'member how I said I was going to be posting weight updates but haven't?
Yeah. I lost two pounds, gained three, and stopped checking and stopped caring.
I don't know what's going on with me.  I'm a motivated person. I lost it before.  I've lost all ambition for anything I ever did.  I get spurts of it now and again, but usually during finals week when I have to focus on something else.

While Hazel Grace's lungs may suck at being lungs, my brain sucks at being a brain.

I was diagnosed with depression on Monday.  I don't know how "official" it is, but I had 6 of the 9 characteristics.  You needed 5 to be considered clinically depressed.
It explains a lot - like how I could look forward to a thing for weeks and then the day it comes along, I go back and hide in my dorm.  (This happened with swing dancing club for the entire fall semester).  I spiral into bouts of blaming myself and beating myself up (mentally) for the stupid things I've done/said in my life almost nightly. On Tuesday, I was so tired (I had gotten a normal amount of sleep, about 7 hours, like usual) that even after four glasses of Diet Coke from DS, I still felt like curling back up in bed at 4 o'clock. That's another symptom.  My grades are dropping because I just don't care.  They're not horrendous, but they're not the straight A's I'm used to. Tuesday was so bad I had not one, but two professors ask if I was okay.  I just told them I was tired.  Well, one of them.
I had to tell my voice teacher that my voice hurt.  Because I have no friends, I had to record a multitrack of this choir piece over the weekend.  This means I had to sing all four parts...and I'm an Alto 1.  This means I can definitely sing Alto 2, and Soprano 2 isn't too much of a stretch, but Soprano 1...not happening.  Especially when I wrote in tons of F sharps and A naturals to sing. (Hint: those suck for an alto)  Not to mention that we have Oratorio rehearsals for an hour and a half each day with higher than I'm used to parts, and I'm auditioning for family weekend and doing a lot of singing for that, not to mention my voice lessons. Hint: if it feels like you're singing through a lump in your throat that doesn't go away even when you clear your voice...stop trying to sing.  This started getting bad on Sunday night, and by Tuesday it was really bad. My teacher put me on vocal rest - no singing, minimal talking.

I had to give a 15 minute presentation today.  And practice for it. Several times. I have auditions tomorrow that I have to sing for, and auditions for chapel choir on Friday (more singing).  I can barely talk.  I'm honestly pretending that I'm Elisa, a newer character who takes an oath of silence to save the lives of her brothers, just so that I feel better. (her story is a combination of "The Six Swans" and "The Little Mermaid" by Hans Christian Anderson)

But yeah, that's what's going on with me. I'm going to see a new counselor for anger management and stuff soon...we'll see.