Merry Christmas and other updates

I hope you all had a merry Christmas this year. This was my first one as a college student and first time opening with the adults at family Christmas. I got a fire safe, which my mother added to my Christmas list without my consent, and a scent warmer thing I will never use. Oh well. I got warm clothes, pajamas, a sweatshirt and a sweater, boots, and lots of gloves, so I'm happy.

I also hope to start posting here for a different reason. Once a week, I will be posting a weight update. I haven't been this heavy in my entire life, and it is neither healthy nor okay.  My pants size is bigger than my mother's and she's not a small woman. I'm also ten pounds heavier than her. She's buying me a scale and sending me a dollar for every pound I lose. I need to lose about 70 pounds, so that's a commitment. It's also quite a motivator. An extra $8 a month? I'll take it. Fun money!

Anyway, that's about it for me. I got pretty much straight Bs which is okay. Religion, Satan in Literature, IOC, Stage Combat, Music Theory 1, Cantabile, composition and piano lessons- all done. 

Next semester I'm taking Literary Afterlives (retellings and adaptions in literature-doesn't sound like me at all. I may get to use my beauty and the beast research as well) intro to communication, radio production and broadcasting, Spanish, cantabile (choir) and  composition and voice lessons. It's gonna be awesome. 

Evolution of a College Freshman in Dining Services

First Week:
"Oh my gosh, look at all the food! Pizza all the time, soft serve ice cream, waffle makers...yogurt, english muffins, sandwich lines, ethnic food, juice,  comfort food...how am I ever going to eat all this?  I'm never going to get sick of eating at DS!"

Next Week:
"Why are all the upperclassmen eating cereal? For dinner?  Don't they realize that there are better foods to eat than that?  I mean, look at this treasure trove!"

After the first month:
"Oh, look!  I remember that dish!  Guess they're starting to repeat themselves.  Oh well, I liked it."

Sometime:
"Why do they put all the good desserts out on the same day!?!?  Don't they know that I'm trying to avoid the freshman fifteen?  How am I supposed to pick?!?"

The Next Day:
"And now they have no good dessert...curse you DS!"

After the second month:
"I just want food that isn't gross...and that I'm not sick of.  This food is boring."  *googles college cafeteria hacks*

Inevitably, you get sick:
"I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING BECAUSE MY STOMACH WILL REJECT IT!  Bananas, toast...oh good, they have applesauce today..."

After the third month:
*eating mozzarella sticks, nibbling on a piece of chicken, eating an ice cream cone and a bowl of granola, rice crispies, life, and capt'n crunch constitutes dinner* "Get me home!"

Luckily, Thanksgiving break is only three days away!

My Blues Book

Blue.  I've slowly discovered that my new favorite color is blue.  A deep royal blue.  As I sit here, I can see my new royal blue sweatshirt on the ground next to me, my turquoise blue bath towel, my blue glass coffee mug, (fun fact: my future kitchen shall be decorated in blue glass and white ceramic) and I can see my black and blue ribbon board, with my blue Jack Frost bow, my blue "Kiss the Girl" mini bow, the blue on my Flounder mini, my blue plastic bowl, fork and spoon I used to eat ramen for lunch today, my blue pen, my blue plaid headband..you get the idea.

But not only that, but I've been feeling kind of blue the last few days.

So a few weeks ago, I received a compliment that really made my day.  Then I got to thinking...what about all those days that I really need a pick-me-up and don't get one?  What can I do to pull myself out of the doldrums on those hard days?

Since coming to college, things have gotten insane.  Papers are due, applications to fill out, the freshman fifteen to avoid...and there are days I just want my mommy to hug me. College is hard.  It's a good hard, but there are still times I feel like giving up.

That's when I came up with the idea for a blues book.  You know these little things?

They're kind of useless, but you still buy them because they're frickin' adorable. Well, I bought a set.  I used one for my packing list (literally almost used up the whole book, but that was because after the 14 pages I used for the actually list, I used several more, writing one letter on each page that spelled out "I HATE PACKING!" so that I could use it as a flip book...yeah).  I started a food diary in another, but quickly gave up on it.  The third was pink, and my sister wanted it, so I gave it to her.
Anyway, I ripped the two pages of food diary in the first one out and gave this little notebook a makeover:

 

I just covered an old notebook with blue duct tape, even made a little blue duct tape bow for decoration.  But what is this cute little book for?

The title page will tell you (my hand is covering the "Property of: My Name" part)

"For use in case of depression, the blues, the doldrums, ect."
A Collection of Pick-Me-Ups and Compliments

       

Some examples of the first entries into my Blues Book. My hope is that the next time I'm feeling down and like no one in the world cares about me, I'll have something to prove me wrong.  I hope to fill it up with nice things people have said about me.

I also hope that this will catch on.  It doesn't have to be a little notebook like this.  You could buy a little journal or even use a regular sized notebook.  However, the little notebooks will fill up faster, so it'll appear like you have more.

Anyhow, that's it for now.  Keep writing and don't be blue. :)

College, NaNoWriMo, and Sleep...in other words, I have no time...

Okay...
I'm well into my freshman/junior year at college.  Thanks to all my PSEO credits, I have junior status, but I'm still in a freshman dorm and many freshman classes.
My major? Music Theory and Composition. I got a scholarship after sending in these three pieces: Changes: The Promise: and a medley of stuff from my musical: Twice Upon a Time Medley:


This past week has been hell week, and not just because I'm in a class called Satan in Literature.

At any rate, I had about three big books to read before Wednesday (I only got two read) and an outline to write for a huge paper I'm writing for Satan in Literature.  It's my inquiry course-a class all freshman take at my school to introduce them to college and stuff. I had a rough draft of an essay for that class due Friday (4-5 pages), a rough draft of a religion paper due Thursday (7-9 pages...was only able to outline) and a presentation and video to make for it by Thursday. Did I mention I was so sick I could barely eat and my stomach hated caffeine?

Yeah. Last week sucked.

But this weekend, I had a Harry Potter movie/scene it night with my Quidditch team last night, slept in until freaking 4:30pm today, which was simultaneously weird and wonderful...and why I'm still going strong at 3:17am...did laundry, ate dinner (normal food! feeling much better.) Went to practice in the lounge and ran into my friend throwing a surprise birthday party for her friend and was invited.  Played Apples to Apples, caught up on my TV shows... and I'm ready to conquer the world, edit my novel...oh wait...it's 3 am.  My roommate's asleep after being in rehearsal all day...

NaNoWriMo is also upon us. Before Hell Week hit, I convinced myself to edit When the Stars Fall.  So I need to get on that.  There are so many people interested in buying it and reading it, I owe it to them to get it to them. Granted, most are family members and close friends, but still.  It's something.  It may not pay off my student loans, but it'll at least give me a little spending money. 

so yeah...need to figure out what time I need to wake up for church tomorrow morning. 10? Yeah...seven hours of sleep...if I go to bed right now...I should do that.  But maybe I'll edit one more chapter...

My Life...not so great right now

So... the end of senior year is fast approaching, and with it, the obligatory ritual that is prom.

Now, you've seen me obsess about prom several times in the past... I mean, just look at all of these posts.  I got the gold tiara I liked so much and a beautiful yellow dress.
See?

 
It's perfect.  Everything's perfect.

So why do all the prom pictures on facebook make me cry?  Why does the very thought of prom make me depressed?

I don't have a date.

See, when I started high school and everyone was starting to date, I was fine with not having a boyfriend, as long as I could find a guy who liked me enough to take me to my senior prom, even if it was only as friends.  And I didn't worry too much because I had this really good guy friend from church.  For privacy reasons, let's call him J. I've known J since 7th grade, and I asked him to go to my high school's semiformal together in 10th grade and he did.  He saved me from this creepy senior guy who was trying to be with me even though the aforementioned creepy senior had brought a date with him.

Anyway, that was fun and all, and at the beginning of April at his birthday party, I was kind of scoping out the girls invited to see if he was dating or liked any of them to try and decide if I should ask him to prom, or if he was going to ask me. One of our mutual friends, a girl who I will refer to as A, couldn't make it to the party, but her younger brother could.  When A's dad came to pick up A's brother, he wished J a happy birthday, and J wished him a happy birthday as well.  Apparently A's dad and J had the same birthday.  As A's dad left, J turned to one of his guy friends and told him quietly that "that's the dad of the girl I really like."

I was sitting right there on the couch and heard the whole thing.  Then J turned to me and said, "Wouldn't it be weird to have the same birthday as your father-in-law?"
"Yeah, it would," I answered, trying not give away my true feelings.

I mean, it's not a big deal, right?  We weren't dating or anything.  I didn't have a huge crush on him, just a little one.  And I know that J and A are perfect for each other and I'm happy for them.  They live closer together, and they've grown up together in homeschool.  I'm just the oddball from church.  I'm just kicking myself for not seeing it sooner.

Anyway, there goes that.  I'm pretty sure that there are no boys that even acknowledge the fact that I exist, and I kept seeing first all these statuses of people asking each other to prom, and now the pictures are coming.  Every boy that I even hoped would see me has a date and their pictures are up.  I sat here bawling as I looked at them, watching all of my hope fly away.  (I also have my period, which is probably contributing to the emotional roller coaster).

None of my friends have dates, and I have a whole group of people I know who are going stag to prom.  Why is having a date such a big deal to me?  Because I'm a hopeless romantic.

My parents were going to buy me a wrist corsage, and I kind of was hoping that my dad would be able to present it to me and escort me to prom.  He's never taken me on those Daddy-daughter dates you hear about, and having him be my escort would be almost as good as having a real date. (that's how desperate I am, guys). But I found out today that he won't even be around to send me off to prom.  Yet he spent the entire weekend this weekend doing the daddy-daughter skate in my sister's skating show, just like he has every year.

Just because I'm too fat and clumsy to skate or dance doesn't mean I haven't dreamed of doing one of those daddy-daughter things. It didn't help that the song they skated to was "Cinderella". They skipped the middle verse, but I can't hear the song without thinking of that second verse:

She says he's a nice guy

That I'd be impressed

She wants to know if I approve of the dress

She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away,

and I need to practice my dancing

Oh please, Daddy, please?"

And then I start bawling. 

In other news, I have carpal tunnel syndrome.  So that's why my hands have been killing me for the past three years.  Finally a doctor who realized that something was wrong with me and there was a reason behind my pain.  It sucks, though.  Oh, and when I was at the doctors and they weighed me, I found out that I've gained 20 pounds in the past four months.  Now I'm 170 pounds and still 4'9".  My ideal weight, according to my height, is no more than 110-115.  So not only do I have all this other crap, now I feel fat and ugly on top of it all. 

Now that I've gotten you all depressed, I'll tell you the good news: I got a scholarship today.  It's $500 from the Circles of Claddagh, and Concordia will match up to $400 of that, so I'll end up with $900, which should cover my new computer. Yay!

~Haili

Pictures from Living Stations

My good friend Amanda took pictures from Stations!

Cody, me, and baby Oliver, who we finally got to be Baby Jesus

Bouncing Oliver- he loved to bounce!

  That's the end of the happy pictures...

The Fourth Station

Me doing a bunch of crying

"And though I do not understand/why all this has to be" Me asking God, "Why?"

Me, Jesus, and Mary Magdalene at the cross

"Where are all your loved ones?  Oh, they left us all alone." As John comes up behind me

"John and I stand side by side/and it seems so cold." One of my favorite pictures-actually my facebook profile picture

 The hardest part of being Mary is this scene below, the Thirteenth Station-Jesus is taken down from the cross.  A lot of girls don't put their name in for Mary simply because they can't do this scene.

Me, Andrew (Jesus) Elliot (John) in the back, and Michael (as the soldier who has a change of heart)

  They've just taken him down from the cross.  This scene is also known as the Pieta Scene.

A drawing of Michelangelo's Pieta, what this scene is based off of.

More pictures of the Pieta scene

Me cradling him.

This Pieta scene goes on for about five or ten minutes,but it seems like hours.  It's intense.

I will have a video up shortly.  Comment or send me a message with your email and I will share a google doc of it with you.

Living Stations and Disney Medleys

Almost a year ago, I posted this snippet:

We picked parts for my church's passion play on Sunday.  It's called the Living Stations of the Cross.  I'm a junior this year, so I was hoping for a good part, like Mary Magdelene, Pilate's wife, or Mary, wife of Clopas, or Mary, mother of John... or even a flash back Mary (we have a LOT of Marys) but I look nothing like the girl who got the part of Mary, my friend Heather.  She'll love it that she can hold the baby Jesus at the beginning (we start with the presentation in the temple- there's a flashback when Jesus dies and two girls stand with a baby doll and the kid who played 12 year old Jesus... I can't do the 12 year old Jesus flashback- I'm 4'9" and not only is my friend like 6 ft tall, but the kid playing 12 year old Jesus is taller than me...yeah, I'd look real motherly.)  So anyway, I was hoping for a part where I get to do a lot of crying, since according to Elli, I'm really really good at fake crying (who knew?)

Yeah.  I'm a serving girl.  I get a towel chucked at my face (if I'm lucky) and I stand there with a straight face.This should be interesting

Well guess what?  It's that time of year again!  Living Stations.  And I am a senior, which means I'm guaranteed a good part.

But before I get into the goodies of this year, I wanted to comment on my disappointment with last year.  My freshman year I was a weeping woman.  When I was a sophomore, I was the first girl to play the newly added part of the prophetess Anna (see presentation in the temple above).  My junior year I was a servant girl.  Not big parts at all.  As a weeping woman, I went up to Jesus during the 8th station and cried.  As Anna, I basically knelt and prayed, and watched Mary and Joseph leave with the baby.  As a servant girl, I gave a cup to Pilate to drink out of.  That's it.  But that's not to say that I didn't have a very big part.  Every year (and I've been doing this since 6th grade-I was in the crowd) I've come up with a story.
Freshman Year: I was Leehi, a pregnant weeping woman.  Here's my backstory.
Sophomore Year: Anna, the prophetess.  When we fastforwarded 33 years, I changed my headscarf and took of the creepy grey braid wig and became Anna's granddaughter by the same name, also gifted with prophecy.  I knew what was going to happen.  I'd seen it coming, but kept it to myself.  I was dreading the inevitable. I had a story written for it, but I never typed it.  I don't know where it is.
Junior Year: Terentia Octavia Camilla of Rome, aka Lira. I actually looked up how Romans were named so I could get an accurate name.  I wanted to switch the cup I held out for a lyre we had from when we did the David skits for VBS.  They never let me, but I kept Lira as my nickname.  I was a simple Roman girl who could care less what could happen to a Hebrew "Messiah."  But a miracle changed my heart.  You can read Lira's story here.

Well this year, I dropped my name in the hat for Mary Magdalene, because I love her story, and Mary, because, as a senior, I could, and why not?  (How we pick parts: you get two pieces of paper, write your name on them, and put them in the bowl for the character(s) you want.  The leaders then pray [so do you out while you watch last year's show on DVD] and pick one out of the bowl)

Guess what?  I'm Mary.  The Mary.  Yeah.  I'm praying the rosary on my way to school now...praying that I do her justice.  I'm not worried about the acting, but I should get my prayer life together if I'll be portraying the mother of God.  And ironically, this is the first "lead" role I've ever gotten in my life.  I'm so excited and so happy.  I was totally not expecting to be Mary AT ALL.

In other news, why I've not blogged in forevers:


We'll be performing it February 8th.  And my laptop's dying, which means I should go to sleep.  G'night.