My Life...not so great right now

So... the end of senior year is fast approaching, and with it, the obligatory ritual that is prom.

Now, you've seen me obsess about prom several times in the past... I mean, just look at all of these posts.  I got the gold tiara I liked so much and a beautiful yellow dress.
See?

 
It's perfect.  Everything's perfect.

So why do all the prom pictures on facebook make me cry?  Why does the very thought of prom make me depressed?

I don't have a date.

See, when I started high school and everyone was starting to date, I was fine with not having a boyfriend, as long as I could find a guy who liked me enough to take me to my senior prom, even if it was only as friends.  And I didn't worry too much because I had this really good guy friend from church.  For privacy reasons, let's call him J. I've known J since 7th grade, and I asked him to go to my high school's semiformal together in 10th grade and he did.  He saved me from this creepy senior guy who was trying to be with me even though the aforementioned creepy senior had brought a date with him.

Anyway, that was fun and all, and at the beginning of April at his birthday party, I was kind of scoping out the girls invited to see if he was dating or liked any of them to try and decide if I should ask him to prom, or if he was going to ask me. One of our mutual friends, a girl who I will refer to as A, couldn't make it to the party, but her younger brother could.  When A's dad came to pick up A's brother, he wished J a happy birthday, and J wished him a happy birthday as well.  Apparently A's dad and J had the same birthday.  As A's dad left, J turned to one of his guy friends and told him quietly that "that's the dad of the girl I really like."

I was sitting right there on the couch and heard the whole thing.  Then J turned to me and said, "Wouldn't it be weird to have the same birthday as your father-in-law?"
"Yeah, it would," I answered, trying not give away my true feelings.

I mean, it's not a big deal, right?  We weren't dating or anything.  I didn't have a huge crush on him, just a little one.  And I know that J and A are perfect for each other and I'm happy for them.  They live closer together, and they've grown up together in homeschool.  I'm just the oddball from church.  I'm just kicking myself for not seeing it sooner.

Anyway, there goes that.  I'm pretty sure that there are no boys that even acknowledge the fact that I exist, and I kept seeing first all these statuses of people asking each other to prom, and now the pictures are coming.  Every boy that I even hoped would see me has a date and their pictures are up.  I sat here bawling as I looked at them, watching all of my hope fly away.  (I also have my period, which is probably contributing to the emotional roller coaster).

None of my friends have dates, and I have a whole group of people I know who are going stag to prom.  Why is having a date such a big deal to me?  Because I'm a hopeless romantic.

My parents were going to buy me a wrist corsage, and I kind of was hoping that my dad would be able to present it to me and escort me to prom.  He's never taken me on those Daddy-daughter dates you hear about, and having him be my escort would be almost as good as having a real date. (that's how desperate I am, guys). But I found out today that he won't even be around to send me off to prom.  Yet he spent the entire weekend this weekend doing the daddy-daughter skate in my sister's skating show, just like he has every year.

Just because I'm too fat and clumsy to skate or dance doesn't mean I haven't dreamed of doing one of those daddy-daughter things. It didn't help that the song they skated to was "Cinderella". They skipped the middle verse, but I can't hear the song without thinking of that second verse:

She says he's a nice guy

That I'd be impressed

She wants to know if I approve of the dress

She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away,

and I need to practice my dancing

Oh please, Daddy, please?"

And then I start bawling. 

In other news, I have carpal tunnel syndrome.  So that's why my hands have been killing me for the past three years.  Finally a doctor who realized that something was wrong with me and there was a reason behind my pain.  It sucks, though.  Oh, and when I was at the doctors and they weighed me, I found out that I've gained 20 pounds in the past four months.  Now I'm 170 pounds and still 4'9".  My ideal weight, according to my height, is no more than 110-115.  So not only do I have all this other crap, now I feel fat and ugly on top of it all. 

Now that I've gotten you all depressed, I'll tell you the good news: I got a scholarship today.  It's $500 from the Circles of Claddagh, and Concordia will match up to $400 of that, so I'll end up with $900, which should cover my new computer. Yay!

~Haili

Okay...why do I write so many posts about dresses?

To answer that, it's probably because I'm at a time in my life where I need to get a lot of dresses (ie prom??)  And I don't think I ever mentioned to you guys what my prom dress looks like.  I bought it for next year in June on sale for $40.  The original price? $179.  Oh yeah, I'm good.

Anyway, here's what it looks like:
I like how it's purple, (my favorite color) but is still in the style of Belle's dress from Beauty and the Beast, which if you can't tell by now, is my favorite movie and she's my favorite princess... you get the picture.  This picture isn't all that great and it looks better on me than on the model.  I guess you can define better in your own way, but since I have bigger hips, the skirt puffs out more and looks more like a ball gown, without having too much dress.  I also like how the pickups are detailed with little jewels that remind me of stars, more specifically, stars in the Keidreian sky, which is described to be purple.  Also, it's a wonderful reminder of Calista and a great cross of my "Belle" and Disney's.  Here's a detail of the beading:

I immediately saw it and thought of a tiara.  I've always wanted to wear a tiara for prom because it's the one night of your life that you get to be a princess before your wedding.  I completely missed out on the cute little girl princess stage (I seriously never got a single Disney princess dress-up dress while my sister had a whole crate- I just wasn't interested)  I'm making up for it now.  Anyway, I found a few tiaras that matched it.


But I just couldn't get this little number out of my head:

It's $12 and it would be perfect on a small half-bun style like Belle wears.  And I'm not complaining about the price.  It's cheaper than Claire's!  Still, it's gold and wouldn't match the silver of my prom dress, so I had all but given up on this little simple circlet.
Until I remembered one tiny detail: I can't wear my prom dress for my piano recital! Or homecoming (if I go...who knows?)  As much as I loved my purple dress, in my heart, I still kinda wanted a yellow "Belle" dress.  And when I remembered my earlier fascination with Disneybound, I thought, what if I Disneybounded this?  So I've spent the last hour or so on the internet looking for a $50 or less yellow ruffled dress or a yellow dress with roses that would go with this, and it has to have straps.  I'm not liking the strapless thing very much, especially for a piano recital.  But a lot of the dresses have ruffles and flowers in places that would be highly unflattering on me but would look great on Elli (the bust area-yep, we're the extremes, I'm huge, she's tiny.  Not fair, but still)  And then there's this great one shoulder dress with roses on it that would be lovely, but it's not going to look good, I can already tell. Oh yeah, did I mention it had to be modest?  And that it either has to be knee length or floor length, nothing inbetween or I look shorter than I am?  Yeah.

This looks promising, if not really short.

However, those dresses that look kinda short on the models will look fine on little 4'9"er here. (nickname from my friend Goldie)

This is pretty, but a bit much for a piano recital...sigh $55, too...

Let's pay $40 for a fitted t shirt that got mauled by an angry person with scissors... and call it a dress!

Like I need sparkles there...and this is a shirt, not a dress.

Uh, looks like you forgot a piece of the pattern...can I have some fabric with my dress?

This is called Nom de Plume...now "One Jump" from Aladdin is stuck in my head...
one jump ahead of my doom, next time, gonna use a nom de plume...
Looks like a skating costume though.

Okay, done making fun of random immodest dresses... I need to go to bed.

PS:
I'm on the skit team for Vacation Bible School at my church this year. It's my last year, and I was hoping for a bigger part.  Most girls just end up being sheep or something.  This year's theme is The Luminous Mysteries, which is another way of talking about Jesus' ministry (Baptism in the Jordan, Wedding at Cana, Transfiguration, Institution of the Eucharist...something else I can't remember...) Anyway, the skits always do a wacky theme like Inspector Gadget, the Jetsons, game show... this year's theme was suggested by none other than me and Elli!

Elli used to sing this song on the way to church: "We're off to see Jesus, the wonderful Son of God!" sung to the tune of "We're off to see the Wizard"
...and yes, you've guessed it- we are totally doing Wizard of Oz theme this year!  whohoo!  It was like my favorite movie as a child.  And we just got parts today!  And I'm...not Dorothy, but I'm Glinda! The smart one who gives dimwitted Dorothy and her even dumber companion Scarecrow a Bible and tells them to find Jesus.  This means...I have to wear pink! ek.  Oh well, the things I do for drama... wonder what sort of costume I'll get?  Find out on August 5th, I guess.

G'night people...

How I went to prom for under $50

Prom!  I'm still waiting for the pictures to come up on facebook (the reason I got facebook- see below) but you can check on www.facebook.com/catholicprom.  I'm the one in the short red dress- and yes, I found a prom dress!  First dress I tried on at Kohl's.  Ironic, huh?  Even more so because of the color.  I was planning on making a red or reddish dress for my graduation next year, since one of my high school's colors is red, and red is the main color of both of my top two colleges, St. Benedict's and Augsburg.  Lo and behold, a modest dress that is short (no hemming required!) and fit, and was on sale for like $30.  I remember praying in the car: Okay, God, I'm going to Catholic prom.  And I need a dress.  Modest would be awesome- then again, you want me to find a modest dress, I'm sure.  And under $50 would be great.  Thanks.  Love, Haili.

It turned out that most of the stores didn't open until 10:00.  I was at the stores at like 9.  So I ended up going to the one store that was open on a whim- Kohl's.  We frequent this store often and I knew they had some formals, but I was really banking on some consignment stores and Goodwill to have a nice dress.  Not Kohls.  But Kohl's had a $78 dress on sale for 60% off, and my mom had an additional 15% off (like I said, we go to Kohl's a lot.  My parents will walk out of there after paying $300 for a whole bunch of stuff and having saved like $900 [yes, we've saved $900 at Kohl's before- see why we like it?  Most of my dress shirts and dresses that aren't handmade are from this store]) So anyway, the dress was around $25.  And I was done shopping and it wasn't even 10 in the morning yet!  Yay!  So I went to the library and waited for lunch...

Prom was really awesome and I had a great time.  If you're curious about the post title, the ticket to Catholic Prom was $20 and that included mass, food, and entertainment.  Dress + Ticket= $45 (approximately)  If you don't count my shoes or accessories, which I already had.  The shoes were about $20 I think and they're fairly new- they're the heels I got to go with my easter dress- the silver ones.  My red dress had a silver buckle and I think they complemented quite nicely.  Still, that was $65 including the shoes- still well under $100 and not too far over $50.  The necklace I wore was a gift, and my hair accessory was also a gift- my little tiara.  There were two girls at prom, one named Sophie whom I dubbed Cinderella, because of her sparkling blue ball gown and jeweled headband and bun (she was brunette- that was the only difference.  She even had silver shoes!  And the best part was- she didn't plan it) and the other name Claire whom I dubbed Belle, because of her GORGEOUS gold ball gown.  It had a lace up back and the bodice was covered in tiny pearls and sparkles.  Her skirt was all tulle and sparkles and it was huge!  I was so jealous.  ;) Not really, but I loved it.  When I walked in, it was the first thing I noticed.  It was a ton of fun and I met two girls who shared my love of fairy tales, told and retold.  Whilst discussing Fairest and The Goose Girl and of course, Ella Enchanted, I told them about Beauty is Blind and not only did they love my title, but started spouting off stuff from the original fairy tale and when one started talking about Cupid and Psyche and I knew exactly what they were talking about... a friendship was born!

On to the explanation of the facebook thing above.  For those of you who know me, you will know that my parents have not let me get a facebook for the longest time.  Well, as of Sunday, I now have a facebook!  My parents are kinda paranoid when it comes to internet.  It's kinda funny- I don't have a curfew or anything, though I try to get home before midnight when I'm out and about (the only times I'm ever out that late anyway are when I'm a. babysitting, or b. at a few-and-far-between party, usually of the cast variety for a play.  And even then, I call my mom or dad first to let them know)  But when it comes to the internet, I made my own email at age 13 (the first really naughty thing I did- since I did it on my own- but once they figured out that I hadn't lied about my age to get it, they relented.  They were trying to set up an email through quest for me, but it wasn't working.  I just sped the process up.)  I made a website a long time ago that no one ever looks at, but if you're interested, it's www.misunderstandingsunderstood.webs.com but it appears webs has taken it down.  I made this blog, too, without their permission.  But I'm really careful online about stalkers and stuff.   That's why you won't see me posting where I live beyond something like my state, and why I use obscure nicknames for names on this blog to protect my identity.  I even have an online last name I use when I don't want to use my real name.  I have my real name on facebook, though.  I had to give my mom my password, but only so she can see what I see.  If I'm friends with someone she's not okay with or finds something she doesn't like, she's going to give me a chance to explain and/or fix it, and if I refuse, she has the right to change it for me.  At least until I turn 18, which isn't that far away.  I'm a good kid, and I don't think she's going to need to take those measures, but they're there just in case.  And I told her no going on and messing with my status or posting in my name like other people's moms sometimes do.  She said she wouldn't do that.  I trust her.

On another happy note, I'm done with classes (you already know this most likely) at college and have to return my books.  Only I was missing a CD set from my very expensive music textbook.  And I have to return them before June 8th.  But I had to find those CDs.  And I found them today and I'm really happy.  They've been missing almost all semester, so ironically, I never got to use them.  But now at least I have them.  So, YAY!

Things I like at this very moment:
M. J. Putney's books Dark Mirror and Dark Passage.  I'm trying to get ahold of the next book, Dark Destiny.  But it won't be released until July.  It's about time traveling mages in 1804 and 1940 England.  Just read it- it's good.

Margaret Peterson Haddix's The Missing books- Found, Sent, Sabotaged, and Torn.  I just finished Torn and really like it.  Again, time travel (wow, theme here I didn't plan)  It's about missing kids from history (Virginia Dare, John Hudson, Richard, Duke of York, and Edward V, and Leiserl Einstein, to name a few) who were kidnapped out of their time by time travelers (don't remember why- adoption?  Famous kids to be adopted?) Anyway, they're trying to fix all of history by putting the kids back.  The main character, Jonah is one of the missing kids from history, and the last book, Revealed, is supposed to tell who he is.  Between Torn and Revealed, there's supposed to be Caught (about Einstein's daughter) and Risked (supposedly set in Russia)  I can't wait this long, people!!!   This is why I hate reading new series.  You have to wait so long in between books.
Okay, I'm excited now.  But I've got to go to school...

Oh, more good news.  Finished typing Elli's novel the other day!  Now she just has to edit- it's longer than she thought.  She thought it was 6,000 words or something, but according to word, it's 7,515.  Yay, Elli!  And shhh- I'm buying her birthday presents, but I'm not telling because she's one of the two followers I have.  Come on guys- if you read this, follow it so I know that you read it!!!

okay, I'm out
-Haili

Long story short...

So, I didn't think I'd be going to prom this year because I just didn't really want to and my family couldn't really afford it.  But when I found a dress that fit (other than the fact that it was too long- but being four foot nine, that much is to be expected) for $18.99 at Goodwill, I decided that I should go.  No sooner had I done this than I realized that NOBODY, and I mean NONE of my friends were going to prom.  I was going to be alone on a boat stuck with people I barely knew and bored out of my mind.  Not to mention that the zipper on my dress went to poop and didn't work anymore.

So then I decided to sell my ticket; but I still wanted my dress fixed because I wanted to wear it.  So I brought it to the lady I babysit for since she's a seamstress.  Long story short, it would have to be hemmed 9 frikin' inches, a corset back and modesty panel put in, another panel in the front because I thought the dress was okay modestly, but she pointed out that because I'm so short EVERYONE looks DOWN at me- so I have to be extra careful.  So we'd have to put something in front, and add some off the shoulder straps for security since it was strapless.  Anyway, it would've cost $100 at least.  I didn't want to spend that much on it and I didn't even like the colors.  It was black with hot pink accents.

I had also recently figured out my "season" to find out what colors look best on me and come to the conclusion that I was a Warm Autumn.  Which basically means I can pull off golds and oranges and browns and greens and blues really well (just not ice blue) but my two big no-no colors?  Hot pink and black.  So that dress was about the worst color possible for me.

So, I decided to spend the $50 I would've spent on a prom ticket on a young women's retreat at my church that was going to happen this weekend.  Only, only four girls signed up.  My parents had also orchestrated it so that they were "kid-free" this weekend (and were probably going to celebrate their anniversary, which was Tuesday)  My brothers were on a Scout Camp and my sister was going to a friend's house and I was going to go on the retreat.  Well, that worked out well... not.

So turns out that there's Catholic Prom this weekend and my friend (who was also planning to go on the retreat) is going and wants me to go with her.  Basically, she's coming to my piano recital Friday night and I'm spending the weekend with her- so my parents ended up kid-free anyway.  So now I've got to find a prom dress before Saturday.  That's going to be my mission today- but none of the stores open til 9- it's 8:30.  *sigh*  Wish me luck!








*I'm gonna need it....

Holy Week and Prom

Bought a prom dress yesterday at Goodwill for $18.99.  Wasn't planning to go to prom, but I guess I kinda have to now.  I'll post pictures of it later- it's black and hot pink, colors I definitely would not have chosen, but I like them just the same.  Anyway, the real reason I'm blogging is that I wanted to share a Holy Thursday story I wrote several years ago, called Agony. It's my experiment in second person.  Hope you like it.

AGONY

      You open your eyes.  It’s pitch black.  You see the earthen ceiling of your Jerusalem home near the Mount of Olives.

      There’s no way you’ll fall asleep now.  You get up and go for a walk.

      You go up to the Mount of Olives and walk to a ledge near the Garden of Gethsemane.  You hear a man praying, crying.  You’re cold in only a linen cloth, and wet, but you can’t leave.  It’s dark and you’re tired.  You might be able to get back to sleep now if you got back in your own bed.  But no.  The man’s haunting prayer imprisons you behind the ledge.

      “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you.”

      You peer up and over the side of the ledge and see a man in his early 30’s praying so hard he’s sweating.  No wait- that’s not sweat running down his face, you realize in horror, fighting an urge to hurl- it’s blood.  You can find no wound.  This man must be praying so hard he’s sweating blood.

      “Take this cup away from me, but not what I will but what you will.”

      The man pauses, and then leaves the rock he’s been praying at.  You scramble up the rocks of the ledge and follow him at a safe distance.  The rock, you see, has splatters of blood on it from the man’s sweating.  You hear him from behind some olive trees near your ledge waking up three other men.

      He says loudly, disappointed, “Simon, are you asleep?”  Immediately, all three men wake with a start, embarrassed, ashamed.  “Could you not keep watch with me for one hour?”

      Simon tries to offer some lame excuses, but the man cuts him off, repeating an apparent earlier command, “Watch and pray.  Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test.”

      “But Lord…”Simon begins.

      The man again interrupts, simply saying, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  The man’s coming this way again.  Quickly you run to your ledge and jump down just in time, scraping your knees in the process.

      You hear him again say, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; still not my will but yours be done,” he cried.  You see a blinding light suddenly brighten up the dark place, but think nothing of it.  The man continues to pray.  You continue to watch.

      Suddenly, the light leaves, the man stops, discouraged.  Shoulders slumped; he again dejectedly begins to wake his disciples.  “Peter, James, John, the hour has come.”

      Whatever happened to Simon?  You wonder, but before you can figure it out, you see torches light up the night.  Soldiers.  They are lead by a man dressed similarly to Peter, James, and John.  He walks up the man, says “Rabbi,” and kisses him.

      The man pulls away, with a look that drives shame into the other man’s face.

      “Judas,” he begins.  “You betray the Son of Man with a kiss.”

      You can’t tell if it’s a statement or a question, but you don’t want to stick around.  Bright torches and soldiers can only mean one thing- Romans.  And where there are Romans, trouble follows.  And a betrayal meant there would be an arrest.

      “Who are you looking for?” the man asks.

      “Jesus of Nazareth,” they answer.

      “I AM,” said the man.

      You’re right about the arrest, but you’re surprised.  This has got to be the strangest arrest you’ve ever seen.  The man- Jesus- goes willingly.  The man you believe to be Simon/Peter won’t let him go that willingly.  He draws his sword.  You shut your eyes.  A scream of pain reaches your ears.  You peek your eyes open and see of the Romans clutching his head, blood gushing from the hand covering the space where an ear used to be.  You might throw up.  The sight of blood makes you squeamish.

      “Put the sword away, Simon Peter,” Jesus commands.  So Simon was Peter, he just had two names. 

Then you see Jesus walk up to the Roman, touch his hear, and heal him.

Suddenly you get the urge to help this man.  For once in your life you’re making something count.  You won’t be a coward!  No, not anymore!  You are not afraid!  You crawl up the ledge, your skinned knees smarting the whole time, and stand near the bloodstained rock as you watch Simon put his sword away. 

You rush in, you don’t think.  You must be getting hypothermia from the cold; you can’t think straight.  There’s no way you stand a chance against those Romans!  If Jesus could heal a severed ear surely he’d save himself.  He doesn’t need you!

You realize your cowardly fear too late, and a Roman soldier grabs you by the cloak.  You don’t want to be associated with this man.  If he were to be jailed or killed, the same might happen to you. They’d never believe your story in a million years. 

You have a family to take care of; this can’t happen to you!  You run, ripping your cloak, leaving the soldier with just an empty cloth.  An empty shell that used to shelter your now-naked body.  Feeling ashamed and exposed, you run across the rocks barefoot back home, crying.

In the distance, a cock crows once.  

By: Haili G

based off of the gospel of Matthew

The aforementioned promised pictures of stuff

I mentioned before I found a crown that I love that I want to wear for prom, and here's the picture

and the dress

It's WAAAY too expensive, but still... a girl can dream... the roses down the back remind me of beauty and the beast.... *sigh*  but that's the musical we're doing in the spring!!!! SO EXCITED!!!

And the cake:

courtesy of jesicascakes.blogspot.com
my cake is going to look exactly like this

okay... time to stop blogging and start writing